Once a year, my religion forces me to trek to the Holyland for three hours of intense prayer and worship. It’s grueling, it’s ear-splitting (at times) and it’s thrilling (at times) – My religion is Broadway, and Mecca is The Tony Awards.
Quotes/Observations from the 2008 Tony Awards.
[Overheard at Bobs condo.]
Whoopi’s hosting. Huh.
“If they thank Jesus, take a drink!” – Rules were established early.
Cry Baby Performs: They have license plates on their feet.
“Hi, I’m Laura Linney, and I’m superior to you.” – Bob.
Raul Esparza breaks my heart. I always vote for him, and I always lose.
Adam Duritz is stoned. And why is he at the Tonys?
Passing Strange performs – and we’re all confused. Though we clap loudly for the techie who fixes Stew’s fallen microphone. “Uh.. I like it better than Cry-baby?” – Beth.
“First to see Patti gets a drink.” – Bob. Game on.
Bartlett Sher wins for Directing South Pacific, and we begin the Tonys 2008 mission: To make sure we all know that South Pacific is the MOST. IMPORTANT. MUSICAL. EVER.
Gypsy perfoms – and we all fall silent. Patti gets a standing ovation. God, she’s good. (“She’s jus so mean!”- Amanda)
Why is Whoopi hosting?
In the Heights dude rapped his speech. I wait for Carol Channing to show up.
South Pacific – THE MOST. IMPORTANT. MUSICAL. EVER. – performs. Kelli O’Hara shows up. (“That’s Patti’s competition. We boo and hiss at her.” – Bob. “What a whore!” – Amanda. This is all made sadder by the fact that, were she not always up against Patti, we’d probably love O’Hara.)
We love Laura Bell Bundy.
Laura Benanti wins for Gypsy – and it’s adorable. We cheer.
Grease performs. “Who lets Kathleen Marshall choreograph?” – Bob.
Brooks Sheilds may be wearing a pantsuit made of a trashbag. This reminds me of Brooklyn.
Boyd Gaines wins for Gypsy – We begin to fear that Patti will be shut out, and can see the exact same terror in Boyds eyes.
And now, a medley of the leading ladies of far inferior shows. 1) Sierra Boggess/Little Mermaid, 2) Faith Prince/A Catered Affair (after which, Beth remarks – “That was an impressionless song. It’s like a toilet flushing.” 3) Megan Mullally/Young Frankenstein. Mullally isn’t nominated, which seems like a whole bucket of awkward.
“Why so many ruffles tonight, Whoopi?” – Amanda.
A montage of Best Play nominees. Because Plays don’t count on the Tonys. Don’t lie.
Hooray for The 39 steps. It made me want to see the show.
Gabriel Byrne put me to sleep.
“Whoopi’s making me hate theatre a little bit.” – Bob.
Carolee Carmello sighting!
Alec Baldwin gets applause when he comes on to present an award. We didn’t clap for anyone else. 30 rock nerds.
When in doubt, Vote August: Osage County.
In the Heights performs. It’s the liveliest performance of the night – and I’m always thrilled to see Karen Olivo get stage time. The lead dude is cute. I like him.
Sondheim gets the lifetime achievement award. And doesn’t show up. Bad-ass Motherf%$#@#r.
Mandy Patinkin accepts it, with a beard that befuddles us all.
Sunday in the Park performs. We can’t rip on Jenna Russell.
“Remember the year there was no host, and no musical nominees ..” – Bob
“And Nathan Lane and Gregory Hines just made shit up?” – Jamie
Glenn Close was in South Pacific’s bad made for TV movie. Though it was the most. important. TV. Movie. ever. made. She presents South Pacific with the Most. Important. Revival. Ever. Award.
Xanadu performs. We marvel at Cheyenne Jackson’s thighs.
Patti sighting! She’s sitting behind the Baldwin brothers.
The 40 year old original cast of Rent performs – Adam Pascal is still hot. Jesse L. Martin didn’t bother to show up. Taye Diggs is wearing a bow tie. Idina Menzel gets screams. Will Chase is performing with the current cast… le sigh…. oh, and they cut to Patti clapping.
Liza’s wearing a bra and a super-short dress! The crowd looks STUNNED.
9:51 – Finally….Patti LuPone wins a Tony award, 30 years later! She’s diva-tastic and yells at the conductor, and it’s awesomesauce. Seriously. We all breathe a sigh of relief.
Best Musical goes to… In the Heights. Snore. I’m sad it’s not Xanadu (No it can’t.)
…All in all, it takes a lot to make the Tonys entertaining. Whoopi was a bad choice for a host. What? Was Hugh Jackman busy? Nathan Lane’s got nothing else to do? Dude. Let Jesse L. Martin host. He might even show up.