Dearest Actors -
You know I, as a director, adore you. You’re the backbone of why I do what I do. BUT every time it comes time to schedule audition appointments, I am reminded of why sometimes you make me want to hit myself in the head.
All of the below incidents have happened to me in the past 4 days, since this latest batch of scheduling auditions began.
Lesson #1 – Don’t paste your resume into the body of your email. It won’t format correctly, so basically, I won’t read it. Because it looks nonsensical. Even if it looks great in your yahoo account, it might not look right in my gmail account.
Lesson #2 – If you don’t have a headshot, that’s actually okay. I understand it happens. People run out, people need new ones after a serious hair color/nose job/whatever. There’s really no need to send a snapshot of yourself. And, if you’re still going to send a snapshot.. use one where your eyes are open.
Lesson #3 – Having callbacks and/or gigs you were offered but didn’t accept on your resume is wrong. Unless you actually performed in it, I don’t care. On that note, I do care about understudy gigs, especially if you went on. Understudying is a tough and often thankless gig, and it’ll gain you points… at least from me.
Lesson #4 – If you’re emailing to schedule an appointment, and the audition notice clearly states that auditions are from 8am to noon, and you have a class on the day of auditions from 8am to 11am, let the person you’re emailing know that you’re not available until after 11am. Otherwise, I’ll be kind of annoyed when I ask you if you want the 9:30am slot and THEN you tell me you have a class. Think easy and streamlined from the start, and we’ll be good friends.
Lesson #5 – Some of you might also want to review the rules of politeness. Having the entire body of your email be “can i audition at 10?” really doesn’t make me want to schedule you.
Lesson #6 – Spellcheck. I know we’ve come to a day and age when it’s actually become okay to send a typo-laden email, but I was an english major, and I’m a semi-grammar snob, and it bugs me if many words in the same email are misspelled.
Lesson #7 – Breathe. One email I got yesterday was filled with 50-cent words. Clearly the person was trying to impress me or seem smart by lengthening the email he was sending. Simple is best. “Hello. My name is _______ and I am interested in auditioning for _____________. (Availability preferences, if an issue) Thanks! __________” If you go complicated, I’ll likely check out.
That’s all I had to say.
I hope we can all learn something from this.
Jamie
P.S. While venting to Betsy about this, her cleverness decided to send me a most entertaining faux-auditon request letter to illustrate the ridiculousness of the whole thing – a sample of which is below.
“Good morrow, Mistress of Casting! ’Twere a fine morning whence I came upon the posting for The Adventures of the Boy who lo twere made o’ the nerves. Hark! Thought I. I must needs send word to the Mistress of Casting post haste! Merry, I hope this finds thee well…I have attached a likeness of mineself to this, thy electronic missive, along with a summary of my work on the grand stages of the land of Chicago (including the dirty ones). I may have shown mine pretty ankles to all of the men, but only to further this, our art of Theatah. If you call upon me to sample my wares (she said knowingly) ye shall be delighted by my jests, taunts, jigs, and minstrelling. How I long to sing to thee for thine art wonderful as wonderful can be.”
…exactly.
Helpful advice, and fairly similar to what I think an HR recruiter goes through. I hope this post finds its way to every actor ever.
And Betsy is brilliant. That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in WEEKS!
Also – if you email asking for to audition for a “roll” in a production… No. BUT you can audition for a “role” in my production.
Why hath thy not replied to my query? Did I not woo thee with mine sugared hand that writ those words of truth, that flowed not from my pen, but from my heart?
And so I pine. Hath not the theatre a place for me? OOOOOO Gods if I were to bring thee an apricot? Perhaps a tomato? Speak the word and it shall be thine!
O Please. If you were not to call upon me to present mine art, I might crawl into the empty limb of a long dead willow and mourn my loss.
What if I just want a bun? Don’t you have some dinner rolls layin’ around? Have a little charity Des Rocher for gods sake.
Role/Roll Call!
I’m Danny!
I’m Jamie!
I’m Betsy!
And I’m…Bob (swoon!)
(It’s been a long week….)
I wholeheartedly disagree with this sentence:
“I know we’ve come to a day and age when it’s actually become okay to send a typo-laden email,”
It’s not okay. It will cost you a job, a gig, etc. You deserve nothing less than failure in your life if you send typo-laden e-mails.
It amazes me how many people don’t understand that an audition (and all aspects of it) are a JOB INTERVIEW and should be treated as such. Worthwhile communication, follow-up and courtesy are vital when trying to get a JOB, why is an audition any different (hint, hint: it ISN’T!)
ps. We love Jamie
Here’s another…Margo and I got an email from someone who was requesting auditions from 5 or 6 different companies…IN ONE EMAIL…
It was literally:
“Theatre A – Could I please get a slot as close to noon as possible? Theatre B – I can’t make the Saturday time slot, but could do anytime on Sunday. Etc Etc Etc”
And she copied and pasted pieces of the different listings, which were obviously from different sites because the font changed two or three times.
Needless to say, filed that email away!
I’d also add that you should be sure you’re listing the name of the producing organization on your resume, not just the performance venue. Nothing pisses me off more when I look at the back of a resume and sees an actor has done a show by a company I adore, but instead of listing the company, he lists the performance venue because he thinks it will be more notable. One, that’s disingenuous. Two, it will quickly burn a bridge between you and that certain producer if they ever see it.
Dear theater company,
I saw your ad on Performink and would like to audition. Please tell me when and where the audition is, and what to prepare.
Sincerely,
Crazy person who can’t read but can somehow write.