Category Archives: movies

No, Hollywood – I don’t want to see Billy Bob Thornton play Freddy Krueger!

This just in:

Billy Bob Thornton to be Freddy Krueger in Nightmare on Elm Street re-make.

http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Billy-Bob-Thornton-Is-The-New-Freddy-Krueger-9798.html

This also just in:

Jamie is not pleased.

How DARE you, New Line? Remember how once upon a time you were known as “The studio that Freddy Built?”

Let me go back a little…

Hi. I’m Jamie, and I’m a horror nerd.

Not all horror – I could really give a damn about most modern horror movies. I like the 1980s franchise affairs: Friday the 13th, Halloween, Leprechaun, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hellraiser… and my baby, my all-time favorite series of movies ever made are the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. Because Nightmare on Elm Street was a different kind of horror movie than the others.

While Jason (Friday the 13th), Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw) and Michael Meyers (Halloween) were all played by various actors during their franchises – none of them speak, their faces are obscured – Freddy Krueger was only ever played by one man: Robert Englund. He was terrifying, he was hilarious, he was more than just a bad guy in a bad slasher movie. Freddy was (and still is) an icon. And it’s ALL due to Robert Englund. No one can sell crap like Englund. He made the worst of the movies bearable. To re-make Nightmare on Elm Street without Englund, who rode the series from it’s awesome beginnings (Dream Warriors), through the crap movies (Freddy’s Dead) to it’s rebirth (New Nightmare, Freddy v Jason), is the worst idea of all time.

It’d be like remaking Gone with the Wind without Clark Gable or Vivien Leigh.

The Wizard of Oz without Judy Garland or Ray Bolger.

Superbad without Jonah Hill.

This is a worse idea than “Lord of the Rings: The Musical.”

Maybe even a worse idea than “Space Chimps.”

And this isn’t just me screaming “Don’t mess with the original.” When Rob Zombie announced he was re-making Halloween, I didn’t bitch. Because it doesn’t matter who plays Michael Meyers. And Rob Zombie has enough reverence to the genre to know that.

I’m not pleased. Bad Santa is the new Krueger?

Lamesauce. Positively lamesauce.

This almost warrants a “stupidhead” label.

++++++++++++++++++++++

In other horror news, Saw 5 comes out at Halloween. I’ll probably go. Even though 3 and 4 were SO dissappointing, I feel like I’m in too far to quit now.

The Dark Knight

Last night, I journeyed up to the Century in Evanston (in my mind, THE only place in town to see HUGE movies, thanks to it’s amazing sound system, bar in the movie theatre, and general all-around awesomeness) and became apparently the last person on earth to see “The Dark Knight.”

Seriously, the ticket vendor even told me I was the last person, and that most people are on their second or third times by now.

I’d heard all the hype, seen all the ads, read all the reviews, barely avoided things getting spoiled, and went into this latest Batman movie hoping it would live up to the hype, but (deep down) not really thinking it could.

It surpassed the hype.

It’s phenomenal.

It’s big and loud and full of explosions and amazing characters (heroes and villians) and one-liners and awesome shots, and it’s seriously… phenomenal.

Christopher Nolan might be a genius when it comes to a lot of things – but I think his strongest point in reinventing the tired Batman franchise was taking away some of the more cartoony aspects and making it, despite all the bells and whistles, a human story. These characters are all people – no aliens, no monsters, no ghosts – they are simply human beings playing a dark game in the darkest of cities. The original Batman movies, though anchored by the brilliance of Michael Keaton, too often descended into cartoon non-realism when it came to their villians and the portrayal of Gotham City. Jack Nicholson’s Joker, Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman, and Danny DeVito’s Penguin – despite all being wonderful and astonishing performances – were highly stylized and almost artsy (probably due to the directorship of Tim Burton, who loves all things dark and artsy.)

I enjoyed the Michael Keaton Batman and Batman Returns, but I’m in love with the Nolan reinvention of the franchise.

Nolan’s first good move was to get Christian Bale to be his Bruce Wayne/Batman. At turns charismatic, moody, bratty, funny, and always hot, Bale anchors “The Dark Knight” and is absolutely the best Batman ever, because he’s human and imperfect. Bruce Wayne can be an absolute shit, and Bale relishes those flawed moments as much – if not more – than his heroic moments. Bale is a powerful actor and a completely believable Batman. Replacing Katie Holmes for this film as Rachel Dawes is Maggie Gyllenhaal, and I have to say – Nothing against Holmes, but Gyllenhaal is a huge upgrade. She’s feisty, she’s witty, she’s strong, and you like Rachel a million times more in this movie than in “Batman Begins.” Also returning to the film are Morgan Freeman (Lucius Fox), Michael Caine (Alfred), and Gary Oldman (Jim Gordon) – who should seriously just form their own League of Awesomeness. These three screen legends pretty much walk away with their moments onscreen without breaking a sweat – particularly Oldman, who gets the most play of any of the three in “The Dark Knight.” I love the reinvention of the Batman series, because it stays true to Batman canon, and the rise of Jim Gordon is a fascinating part of an already fascinating series. (And I smile every time they reference Gordon’s family, or when we see his young daughter – knowing that in about 15 years, my favorite superhero ever, Batgirl, will emerge from young Barbara Gordon.)

I’d heard both good and bad things about Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent, but all of those melted away the second he stepped onscreen. Harvey Dent is a good guy forced to go bad, and Eckhart rocked it out. He also has the look of a Ken doll, all blonde hair and bright smile, which makes him perfect in the role of the White Knight of Gotham City.

Meanwhile, Chicago is all over Gotham City. The filmmakers don’t even try to hide it half the time. If you live in Chicago, you saw at least five things you recognized in the movie – most notably are LaSalle Street, the River, Lower Wacker Drive (once again, the setting for an awesome chase scene) and the Wrigley Building (which is sitting right outside the window of several shots.)

But you can’t talk about “The Dark Knight” without mentioning the sensation that is Heath Ledger as The Joker. Ledger was already a young actor on the verge of greatness when he died tragically before the movie was complete, and buzz spread that his was the performance of a lifetime. It is. It absolutely is, and not just in a “Wow, he’s good – It’s so sad he’s dead, Let’s give him a posthumus Oscar,” kind of way. Dead or alive, he deserves an Oscar for his Joker. Though he doesn’t have as much screen time as one would like, he’s mesmerizing. It’s a completely vanity-free, disgusting, funny, tortured portrayal – but Ledger’s greatest talent was creating characters that were people. And his Joker slips the bonds of being a cartoony figure and becomes simply, a complicated and twisted man. It’s genius. I can’t remember ever being as glued to a character in a movie before.

If you like superhero movies, see it.
If you like any of the aforementioned actors, see it.
If you like Chicago, see it.
If you like Batman, see it.
If you like great acting and good writing, see it.
If you like explosions, see it.
If you like movies… see it.

You won’t regret it.

Damn the man – Save the Empire!

Empire Records.
If you’ve never seen it – just do it.
You’ll thank me.

Iron Man – or, how I quit worrying and learned to love superhero movies.

IronMan… rocked.

Seriously – it’s so not my kind of movie, but My Dad wanted to see it, I’d heard good things, and frankly – I’d follow Robert Downey Jr to the ends of the earth, so we went… and I absolutely loved it. It’s a perfect popcorn movie, really. It’s fast-paced and thrilling and funny and centered by a cast full of actors who don’t need to be nearly as good as they are. Downey Jr storms through the movie, all sass and cockiness, and franky rocks – and he looks amazing. Gwenyth Paltrow isn’t annoying, and has cute hair. Jeff Bridges is a bad-ass. Terrence Howard is kinda wasted, but I’m sure there’ll be sequels for him to strut his stuff in.

Woot. Loved it. See it.

Movies: The Savages

I watched “The Savages” last night (thanks, Netflix) and was… heart-broken, charmed, and touched by this quiet and perfectly ordinary little story of an estranged brother and sister who have to come together to handle putting their father in a nursing home after he begins to suffer dementia.
It’s a sad but beautiful story of imperfect people doing what they can to get by, and it hit home.
No one wants to think about it, but families aren’t perfect, people make mistakes, and at some point “The parents who took care of you can no longer take care of themselves.”
Philip Seymour Hoffman and Laura Linney give simple, delicate, and astonishing performances. They’re not trying to do anything but tell the story, and I appreciate it. In a million little moments, sharing a glass of water, lying on the bed taking naps, little conversations about nothing, they simply ARE brother and sister. It’s like watching two masters demonstrate how acting should be. I’m surprised these two haven’t done more together – and I hope they do in the future.
THIS is the PSH I adore, by the way. :)
The movies I’ve loved the most lately have been the least fantastical… From “Dedication,” to “On a Clear Day,” to even “Run, Fatboy, Run,” they’ve been stories of perfectly ordinary people who change, even in small ways. “The Savages” joins those movies. I was touched.

Shot of Floating Dead Girl & Bumbling Cops: Jamie and Bob watch Last House on the Left

I had a date with Bob last night!

(This poster annoys me. Because the girl in the image isn’t Mari, it’s Phyllis. Whatever.)

We had Thai, drank wine, and watched Wes Craven’s “Masterpiece” (I use the term with partial sarcasm) The Last House on the Left.


It had been a while since I’d seen it – four or five years – and I’d forgotten how… strange it is. I understand that it was made on a budget of about nine dollars and in Sean Cunningham’s backyard with a cast full of some actors and some.. non-actors.

Seriously, though, maybe it’s just the times, but I find it hard to believe all the hype that upon it’s initial release people were puking and clawing the walls in the movie theatres.

In fact, it almost has a campy quality – like Mystery Science Theatre should show up and lambast it. There are mutton chops everywhere, bellbottoms to spare, and I can’t count how many times Bob and I pointed out the weird perkiness of the soundtrack. And made up lyrics to the songs. And commended the girl playing Sadie for her Neely O’Hara-Ness. And the number of “Follies” jokes once we realized the other girl’s name was Phyllis Stone.

I always love to see where my favorite artists have come from. It gives me joy to see Philip Seymour Hoffman, all of 25 years old, in the terrible “My Boyfriend’s Back.” I love “Square Pegs” for early Sarah Jessica Parker – and this movie is interesting and relevant to me because, based on it, people gave Wes Craven enough money to make “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” and the rest is history. But honestly, watching this movie, I can’t really figure out why.

Keep repeating -
It’s only a tagline…
only a tagline…
only a tagline…

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead – a lament about Philip Seymour Hoffman

“May you be in heaven half an hour -Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead.”

This quote opens the film, and from it I was intrigued. Then it cut directly to a shot of Philip Seymour Hoffman and Marisa Tomei in a disturbingly realistic sex scene, and I was jarred. Clearly, the filmmakers wanted us to see that this was real and gritty and not going to be pretty – and they were right.

Ethan Hawke, Albert Finney, and Marisa Tomei are wonderful actors. Done and Done.

This movie isn’t that great, though, FYI.

But this isn’t about the movie.

Let’s talk about Philip Seymour Hoffman.

He’s my favorite actor ever on this planet in the universe ever. I exaggerate a lot and pass credit around a lot where it might not always be due, but seriously –

Phil is the bomb. They don’t come better than Phil.

But I think I liked obscure, no-one-knows-who-he-is Phil better than Academy Award Winner Phil. I miss the Phil who was perfectly aware that people were focusing more on the bigger stars in movies like “The Talented Mr. Ripley,” “Hannibal,” and “Magnolia” and as such had the freedom to be as weird and, by the same token, honest as he wanted. All the years of his being secretly amazing culminated in “Capote,” which is the single most breathtaking performance by an actor in a movie I’ve ever seen, and rightfully won him the Oscar…

It hasn’t been all downhill since then, he’s turned in some good performances, but nothing to match his earlier splendor. That said, he’s appallingly good in “Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead.” Technically, his performance is a marvel.

So why did it make me long for the Phil of old?

The Phil from “Boogie Nights,” doing everything he could to be weirdly honest. The Phil from “Happiness,” jerking off in an apartment. The Phil of “Magnolia,” which might be the sweetest performance ever (when he’s in the background of the Cruise/Robards shot just sobbing?!) The Phil from “Almost Famous…” Come on! This man is amazing.

Dear Phil.
I adore you. You’ve inspired me for years.
I essentially want to be you.
Remember what excited you once upon a time.
Thanks, Jamie.

I suppose it could be worse – He could have won an Oscar and then made “Catwoman.” Really, Halle Berry? Really?

Run, Fatboy, Run

…there are people I follow through their filmmaking careers with reverence and adoration: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Seth Rogen, Kate Winslet, Johnny Depp, Alan Rickman… and Simon Pegg. From the moment I saw the first trailer for “Shaun of the Dead” I had a feeling he was going to join the ranks – and I was right. “Hot Fuzz” made me a lifelong fan of the Pegg/Wright/Frost movie machine, and his work in films like “The Good Night” and .. whatever Mission:Impossible movie he was in made me a fan of his work as an actor.
So Sir Simon is, at present, headlining a little movie called “Run, Fatboy, Run.” Which is a stupid title, but we’ll forgive it that. We’ll forgive the movie a lot of little tiny stupid things and cliches and focus on the good part – it’s a sweet, sweet movie with a few hilarious laughs, a lot of talented people, and a great big heart. David Schwimmer (yes, THAT David Schwimmer) has actually done a fine job in his directorial debut with a script by Michael Ian Black (yes, THAT Michael Ian Black.)
Essentially, Dennis (Pegg) is a commitment-phobe who ditched his pregnant fiancee, Libby (the GORGEOUS Thandie Newton) at the altar five years ago, and now is a good-if-sometimes-hapless father to his son Jake, but really isn’t going anywhere in life. When Libby starts dating Whit (All hail Hank Azaria) who is American, rich, successful, gorgeous, and ripped – since he runs marathons – Dennis decides that he’s going to run the same marathon as Whit in order to show Libby he’s capable of change and maturity, and hopefully to win her back. Assisted by a shady friend (the wonderful Dylan Moran) and his landloard (Harish Patel – getting the most “awww” moments I’ve ever heard in a movie theater) he gets in shape and gets himself together enough to …. Well, I won’t give away the ending. Which you’ll see coming – but it’s still effective. You may even clap.

Simon Pegg is probably the only actor who could make Dennis lovable. For the first little bit of the movie, you question why this guy is the hero – He ditched his pregnant fiancee, who is Thandie Newton for chrissakes. Add into that the all around near-holiness that is Hank Azaria, and championing Dennis almost seems… stupid. BUT, Simon Pegg is so endearing a screen presence that soon you can’t help but fall for him. And thankfully, it’s soon revealed that Whit is kind of a schmuck, so it all ends well for the audience members dilemma.

Quick note – Dylan Moran as Dennis’ shady friend walks a fine line between providing a hilarious supporting character and stealing the movie right out from under a powerhouse leading trio of actors – Pegg, Newton, and Azaria are all rock-solid. It’s a masterful performance. Moran was brilliant as David (“the twat”) in “Shaun of the Dead,” and once again knocks it out of the park. Can he be a big fat movie star stat? That’d be great… thanks.
And for those of you who like this sort of thing, you get to see a LOT of Hank Azaria. Just sayin’

And there’s also a really adorable kid.

And it made me want to run?

Yeah, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Saw 4 broke my horror-movie-loving heart (and I still don’t know what happened to Dr. Gordon, g’dammit!)

I was sick this weekend, and decided it was high time to have the Saw movie marathon that Chris and I have been threatening to have for months now. So we did.

One day. Four Saw movies.

The original Saw and Saw 2 are soooo good. Seriously, they’re twisted and gory, but anchored with a rock-solid plot and a cast of characters who, while not good people by any means, make you care about them. You know nothing about Adam and Dr. Gordon in the original Saw, but you care. Saw 3 isn’t terrible, but it’s not a great movie by any means.

Saw 4 is pure. utter. bullshit. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever been as offended by a movie in a horror franchise as I was by this movie. It’s as if the people behind the franchise decided to throw up their hands, throw in a bunch more characters (and ones we DON’T care about) and just turn up the gore. The tricky plot twists are gone, the cleverness is gone, and the spirit of the first three movies is gone, along with Jigsaw and Amanda

I’m also pissed because the summary on the DVD case had NOTHING to do with the movie I saw. The case promises that this movie picks up where 3 left off – with Jeff searching for his daughter – and that it “leapfrogs back and forth through time to tie up some bloody loose ends.” Well, there is NO mention of Jeff’s daughter, Jeff himself only shows up in the last 4 minutes (he might not even have any lines, I honestly can’t remember) and the movie ties up nothing. NOTHING. After two movies in which the fate of Dr. Gordon (As played immaculately by Cary Elwes) is not EVER discussed and theories have flown, to not even mention his name once is a sham. Bringing back Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) was an awesome choice, but after seeing the movie I can’t imagine why you bothered – he doesn’t move from one spot the whole time, says maybe four lines, and then dies… really anti-climactically.

I SO looked forward to Saw 4. And so shouldn’t have.

Dear People in charge of the Saw franchise –
You had me. And I think you’ve lost me.
Absolutely NOT love,
Jamie

If I knew you were comin’ (I’d'a baked a cake)

I don’t get to see Bob very often anymore.

He works in the middle of nowhere, and we’re both incredibly busy.

SO we made a date last night — to make dinner and watch “Life after Tomorrow” (a documentary about the original orphans from Annie.) The documentary was kind of a let down, full of women who were child stars and then grew up to not be so famous (other than Sarah Jessica Parker, who clearly had some stories to tell…Studio 54! Roller Skating with hookers!) but it offered some interesting tidbits and anectdotes.

The food, however, was not a let down. At all.

First, we made pizzas from scratch using baked tortillas, tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese, artichoke hearts, and veggie crumbles. Amazing – and SO easy! And we only almost set the fire alarm off once… So there.

Then, we enjoyed my new favorite thing on this earth.

THE DEVIL AND THE DIET COKE CAKE

My friends on Sparkpeople have been going crazy for this recipe, which I had been told saves you about half the calories of chocolate cake without sacrificing any of the flavor, and I have to say they were totally right. It was sensational.

Ingredients ->

1 box Devils Food Cake Mix

1 can Diet Coke

*frosting to your liking –

I used Jello Sugar-free chocolate pudding and a bit of marshmallow creme.

:) Genius.